Departing male leader exits gracefully. Committee verifies: no, really
The committee has completed its standard exit audit of the departing prime minister, and the findings are — verify these independently, we did, twice — largely in order. No comeback plot detected. No memoir-based revenge tour scheduled. Advice to successor to be delivered 'in private if asked', a phrase the committee did not know male leaders could pronounce. One ally describes the alternative Blair model as 'a pain in the ass', and the committee co-signs the peer review.
Stated post-office priorities: best dad, best husband, actual mountains, a cookery course to expand a repertoire of — the audit flagged this figure — two (2) meals. The committee notes his wife Victoria has presumably known about the two meals for decades and married him anyway, confirming once more that the household's risk assessment was done by its senior partner.
Career file: interested in Nato secretary general 'when there is a vacancy'. The committee observes that the war-adjacent cleanup jobs are, as usual, being queued for whoever is available, and reserves judgment on the org chart.
Final ruling: dismissed from office by his party, yet departing with dishes to learn and a hedge to earn. Adequate. Genuinely adequate. The bar remains subterranean, but he stepped over it rather than limbo-ing under, and the committee marks the file: cleared for civilian life. That is all. Dismissed — in the nice way, this once.